10 Reasons You Should Not (Under Any Circumstances, For Any Reason) Get a Dog Right Now

Don’t be fooled by their sweet puppy eyes and little wagging tails. Especially if they’re from a shelter.

By The Editors | Published May 15, 2020 8:10 PM

Good Things

Golden retriever puppy

Don’t be fooled by their sweet puppy eyes and little wagging tails. Especially if they’re from a shelter. Pixabay

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1. Your time is precious!

Grey puppy running through grass — Between working remotely, avoiding your loved ones’ texts and shuffling back and forth between the same two to three apps on your phone, there’s a lot on your plate right now. You can’t afford to waste a ton of time taking slow-motion videos of your dog running through a park or in your backyard. Pixabay Pixabay

2. Your social life will suffer.

Adorable black and white puppy — Instead of having video happy hours with friends from high school who you haven’t talked to in years, you’ll be cuddled on the couch under a blanket with a snoring pup in your lap, eating ice cream and watching your favorite Netflix shows. How awful! Pixabay Pixabay

3. No one will be able to meet your pooch!

Sleepy French bulldog — You’ll have to endure knowing you have the best, cutest, smartest, snuggliest dog in the universe while no one else does. Pixabay Pixabay

4. Dog ownership leads to exhausting thought paradoxes.

Cute boxer dog lying on a carpet — Obviously your dog is the best, most goodest dog to ever exist on the planet (as already discussed). But look at all the other dogs online, who are also perfect angels. How can they all be the goodest? You don’t have enough precious brain space right now to ponder such philosophical queries. Pixabay Pixabay

5. The five-second rule no longer applies.

Brown and white dog on a black and white checkerboard floor — Because anything edible you drop on the floor will instantly be gone. Pixabay Pixabay

6. It’ll hurt the economy.

Brown dog wearing glasses working at a laptop — If you have a canine companion to pour your heart out to, you might start neglecting your therapist. Therapists get lonely, too. Pixabay Pixabay

7. It’ll cause fights with friends.

Puppy getting bottle fed — You’ll feel guilty admitting to yourself that your dog is cuter than your friend’s newborn baby. You’ll feel even guiltier after accidentally saying it to your friend. Unsplash/Bekky Bekks Unsplash/Bekky Bekks

8. Such a time suck.

Shaggy brown dog with its head resting on laptop — When you finish a long, stressful day of work, your little buddy will immediately want pats, kisses, cuddles and playtime, leaving you with virtually no time to wallow in self-pity and existential dread. Pixabay Pixabay

9. You’ll get cocky.

Little girl lying on the ground next to her dog — Sure, rescuing a shelter dog will add endless love and joy to your life. But you might end up with a hero complex when your pup shows you, every single day, how eternally grateful he is to have you. Pixabay Pixabay

10. Dogs are habit forming.

Cute white dogs licking one another — One day you’ll realize how much your dog has grown and matured and you will find yourself thinking, “Hey, I should get the dog a puppy!” And then a couple years after that you’ll realize how much the new dog has grown and matured and you’ll find yourself thinking… Pixabay Pixabay

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